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The Clash Of Pride

Written By: Rex Solano - Apr• 06•14

Ahh! The foolish and stupid pride imploring forgiveness and reconciliation but neither one of the feuding party will not yield to amicable truce.  To me, it seems like a war of reasons, judgmentally believing one is right and never to admit the veracity of its truthfulness. So far we have meet the pretext of one person’s arrogant and egoistic attitude trying to out stage the others by showing their brilliant educated learning that one will not stoop that low or bend to pressure, but by just holding on to that high mighty pride. We have a case of a son mad at the mother and will not speak to one another for years. Brother displaying his arrogance against his older brother showing a lack of respect, cousins will avoid talking to their cousins, and these merely for such petty arguments and regardless of the price it cost them, like separation from family,  unbinding relationships and the silence of unspeakable words, will they even bring their hatred  and animosity down to hell? But pride comes in many ways, of different meanings. When boxing icon Manny Pacquiao won a fight over his opponents, he did not only bring honor and glory to the Philippines nation, but the least for good measure, was able to share his laurels and accolades. The Filipino people were really proud of his accomplishment which brings to every hearts the pride that we all cherished for. Even these Filipina beauties that joined the pageants and won the beauty titles brought pride to all of us. Or Olympian athletes who won  medals for their countries they represented beacon arrays of prides and prestige of their accomplishments. But what exactly is pride all about? According to its definition, pride, a high, or inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity, importance, merit or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing conduct. Pride is an inflated sense of one’s personal states, a feeling that you respect yourself and deserve to be respected in return. I was once engaged in an argument, encumbered of belittling my personality, hurting my pride and bruising my ego that I never talked to the person for so many years. So many friends had given me some advice, and counseled me to let it go and give in. But because I had such a foolish pride, which to my admission had come a little late to appease myself, I refused to forgive him. My mother admonished me and told me to swallow my pride just for the sake of reconciling with him, but stubborn as I was, and so effrontery to reason, I did not even listen  nor had given way to my mom’s pleading words of persuasion.  At my younger age, I did not even show any emotion, the regrettable instances that I would have come to him and apologized. But my heart at that time was tempered with defiance and obstinacy. I was not even remorseful, thinking that the insult, the humiliating words of distrust and disparaging comments towards my personal well being, was a pride in itself, like a bitter pill hard to swallow. Until the time I went to college attending at University of Santo Tomas, I started to mellow down, trying to picture in my mind, asking myself, “had I done the right thing or just merely because of an impulse of hatred that I was infuriatingly mad to the man who was supporting my schooling financially.” Even though we corresponded through letters, I still never gave any inkling nor did I mention in my letter that I was sorry. After finishing my 4 year course of studies at University of Santo Tomas and graduated with a Degree in Bachelor of Literature in Journalism, I received a letter from the man who wounded my pride and underestimating my intelligence that I will not be able to finish my study, telling me in his letter that he petitioned me and the rest of the family to come to Hawaii. I had mixed feeling. I was shocked with an unbelievable expressionless on my face and at the same time so overjoyed and ecstatic. Throughout my four years of study, I had always envisioned coming to America but not through the goodness of the heart of the man, my pride wouldn’t yield. In the year 1967, our family immigrated to Hawaii. I had met the man, but my own pride of feeling would not perceive him as a helpful man, and due to my immaturity, even though I was educated enough to let bygones be bygones, had not given me any reason to act like one. He was a construction superintendent with the now defunct company called Reed and Martin. He hired me as a construction clerk taking care of the office supplies, attendance of employees and other miscellaneous duties. Still during the time, I did not bother to say I am sorry for all the troubles that came between us. I guess he had forgotten what he said to me, after all, I had broken his prognosis that I would not graduate nor finished my study. In the year 1971, he met an industrial accident. He died instantly when the steel structure collapsed and hit him on the forehead. As I picked up and cradled his lifeless body, I muttered the words that he would no longer be able to hear. I cried uncontrollably and as I stood there looking at his body sprawling on the ground awaiting an ambulance to transport his remains to the Mortuary, I cried again, this time so loud, telling him I am so sorry, also asking for forgiveness for the pain and sorrow I inflicted on him. I am sorry because at my younger times, I was so stubborn and resentful. I only heard what people were saying rather than to acknowledge my mistakes and comprehend my own behavior.  And because of pride, such stupid pride, I was not able to embrace the love that I would have given to the person the love I sorely missed. The man that I had a clashed with is my own father. For all the unspoken words I was not able to utter, may it dwell in his spirit that I am truly sorry for the unforgivable attitudes I had caused him, and if God is so kind enough, perhaps, in the future I will meet him, rendering my presence that I have disavowed the word PRIDE and stricken it from any conversation of all kind.

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